'Your DIL is quite the entitled gold (or emerald) digger': Bratty fiancé demands mother in law's expensive ring

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 14, 2023 6:00 PM EST

Jewelry, throughout history, has held untold significance. Think of the hope diamond or the heart of the ocean. Decades-long epics have been launched from their shiny depths! Something about certain rocks' glittering glow brings out the magpie in all of us. People go crazy over pretty shiny things.

Jewelry can also hold special meaning for families. I inherited a beautiful ring from my grandmother, and I'm proud to be its custodian during my lifetime. And when the time comes, I'll pass it down to the next generation. It's a nice way to keep her legacy alive and keep a family tradition going. But sometimes greedy folks take advantage of this generational custom, seeing it as an expectation and not a privilege. It's especially crude if the person in possession of the item is still alive! So it's no wonder that the author of this recent Reddit post was so flabbergasted by her daughter-in-law's presumptuous request. Get the juicy details below. 

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  • 01
    9 r/AmltheAsshole u/Existing_Ring_ . 17h AITA for not passing on an "heirloom" to my daughter in law?
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 02
    I am 48F and my eldest is 22M. He's been with his fiancée (DIL) since they were 20 and he wants to marry her. I'd always liked her before now, she's a smart girl, she fits in well with the family, she's driven, and she makes my son happy. Everything was all roses until they got engaged. Now since I was little I was fascinated with jewellery. When I was older and married and had my own income I started to collect rings. I would "design" them myself, used to ask friends and family to give me cash
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 03
    Edit 2: Okay apparently this above paragraph is controversial. It is the custom of my family since always to give cash in celebrations. It's also very normal in my community to ask your friends to give cash - I have done this myself for my friends. HOWEVER THE MAJORITY OF THE COST OF EACH PIECE OF JEWELLERY WAS ALWAYS BORNE BY ME. Whatever I got from birthdays was a bonus top up - not something I relied on to be able to afford it. It would be less than 10% of each piece definitely not the bulk.
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 04
    I wasn't buying one every year but over time I have a nice collection of rings. My favourite are a sapphire with a halo of diamonds, an emerald in a trilogy with 1ct diamonds either side, and a Ruby set in a pavé band. After son got engaged and we invited him and DIL to dinner at home, DIL asked to speak to me. She said she's been seeing my emerald ring over the years and she has always wanted one.
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 05
    She pointed out that I wear it least often, which is true, and demanded that I gift it to her as an heirloom engagement ring. This is in addition to other wedding gifts and expenses we had discussed as a family during dinner. This includes gold to the value of approximately £6000 which is honestly more than my entire wedding cost, and which I still think is a significant amount. This rubbed me the wrong way and I admit I accused her of trying to pick through my estate before I'm even dead. I tol
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 06
    She yelled at me that something like this can't just be sold, it should be an heirloom and it's normal for heirlooms to Be passed on while the wearer is still alive. I told her to leave if she was just in my home to demand my property and she stormed out, taking my son with her. She's mad at me and son says I should've just passed the ring to her since I have others and it would Be a nice gesture to welcome her to the family! He says it's no different than his sister occasionally borrowing some
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 07
    Ducky818 16h Craptain [164] NTA. Your DIL is quite the entitled gold (or emerald) digger. If she wanted it for an engagement ring, the proper thing would have been for your son to discuss it with you. Her asking for it is shocking and It's not an heirloom if you are the first owner in the family. Heirlooms tend to have generations behind them. And they are not necessarily given away during the owner's lifetime. Many family mementos are distributed as part of an estate after the owner is deceased
    via u/Ducky818
  • 08
    Existing_Ring_ OP. 16h Many family mementos are distributed as part of an estate after the owner is deceased. Yes that's certainly why I replied the way I did - it felt like she's looking forward to my estate when I'm still here!!
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 09
    FeuerroteZora • 16h Enthusiast [5] I probably read entirely too much AITA, but when/if she ever comes to your house again, make sure your rings are somewhere she cannot access. If she's as entitled as she seems, she may not balk at simply taking something she thinks she deserves. I mean, hopefully I'm just paranoid because the forum we're in tends to highlight really bad actors, but she's behaved terribly so far and it can't hurt to be on the safe side. And if you do want someone specific to hav
    via u/FeuerroteZora
  • 10
    Existing_Ring_ OP • 16h Do you really think it could come to that?
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 11
    Neither-Entrance-208 • 15h Yes. Either she or your son could steal your property. He justified her asking you for it which really concerns me. Why are they picking through your things already when you are still very much here? Keep everything safe. Get some cameras. And hope these sentiments pass quickly. Maybe suggest your child get a prenup to keep both of them safe.
    via u/Neither-Entrance-208
  • 12
    Alternative-Gur-6208 - 17h Partassipant [3] Edit NTA Did your son tell her to ask for it? If he proposed usually it's with a ring, if he didn't have one he probably promised her one of yours and it blew up in his face, I'd talk to him.
    via u/Alternative-Gur-6208
  • 13
    Existing_Ring_ OP. 17h She has a ring, it's a 1ct round cut diamond in a half pavé platinum band. Highest clarity and colour. The 4C's were adhered to. She was wearing it and husband and I even admired it during the dinner. For context her ring is certainly not cheap!! Son took my advice on choosing the best stone for the ring when he bought it - told me that was the design she wanted
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 14
    Ducky818 16h Craptain [164] ● If she wants your ring so badly as an engagement ring, perhaps she should trade her diamond engagement ring in for something similar to your emerald ring. Who needs 2 engagement rings? She will drive your son to the poor house.
    via u/Ducky818
  • 15
    Fancy-Meaning-8078 - 16h A. That particular ring is not an heirloom yet. It's an active part of your wardrobe. B. It's an expensive piece of jewelry. If you chose to gift jewelry to her it would be on your terms. As to say which piece would be gifted, for what occasion as in birthday, 10th anniversary, birth of first daughter so it can be passed along to become an heirloom. C. It was massively insensitive. Kinda insulting. Like trying someone else wedding dress before that person got married off
    via u/Fancy-Meaning-8078
  • 16
    D. Asking to start a tradition is not wrong, can even be a nice bonding experience, demanding that someone gift a pricey personal jewelry piece to do so just seems greedy. E. I'm 47 if my daughter starts talking about how I'm old a just give up my things now because I'm almost dead and should start acting like an old woman from stereotypes 1900, I would embarrasse her Infront of her friends so hard by 'not acting my age' she wouldn't know where to bury herself knows it. It's not enough she consi
    via u/Fancy-Meaning-8078
  • 17
    jas perjamboree. 16h Aficionado [10] This ring is NOT an heirloom because it was never passed down through generations. It's just a personal piece with no intention of being passed down. This is not the same as people "borrowing" jewelry, because those are eventually returned. Keep an eye out on your jewelry. If she wants an emerald ring so bad, she can trade her engagement ring and have one designed for herself so that it's unique. NTA
    via u/jasperjamboree
  • 18
    International Good588 16h How was your 22 year old son able to afford a one carat diamond ring? Just curious. NTA future DIL is mighty entitled
    via u/InternationalGood588
  • 19
    Existing_Ring_ OP • 16h Husband and I have put aside money for his wedding. Also I have a long relationship with my jeweller so he doesn't charge quite so much for the making charge as he would to other customers so the majority of the cost is from the platinum and the stone itself
    via u/Existing_Ring_
  • 20
    bloodymongrel - 15h So she's already benefited quite nicely from her association with the family. I hope she apologizes.
    via u/bloodymongrel
  • 21
    3 rebootsaresuchapain. 16h Enthusiast [5] NTA- what are the odds she'll remember it's a family heirloom and give it back when they divorce? You'll never see it again. Besides, you have a daughter and one day maybe granddaughters. They are the people you leave your jewellery to.
    via u/rebootsaresuchapain

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rings family drama daughter in law aita heirloom jewels am i the asshole Jewelry greedy mother in law engagement rings family subreddit reddit thread fiancé Reddit
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